I remember feeling that way. I remember being there. I guess just not as harshly as I felt it when I went through it (and thank goddess for that). Let this be a reassurance that it does get better. It doesn't happen overnight. It took about 25 years for me to get to a place where I am mostly okay with my life. At least, with the things I have control over.

I'm always going to be a dramatic, overemotional person. But it's calming down with age. Maybe it's a hormone thing. Maybe it just took me that long to "grow up".

So many of those entries were spent lamenting my reason for existence. I don't know that I've found any one, single, eureka purpose for my being, but I have found places where my presence somewhere has made a difference. Not everyone is here to cure a disease, invent the wheel, or establish world peace. We all contribute. Hopefully more positively than negatively. We all impact someone or something.

I mean, it sucks that it took so many years and so much internal pain for me to reach a point of satisfaction... and I won't say "happiness" because I don't know if anyone really has that. We have happiness in moments, but not in general. At least not anybody I know. If you're more content than not, then you're doing okay.

Here is a picture of my cats: